1 Corinthians 7:36-40 

³⁶ If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. ³⁷ But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. ³⁸ So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better. ³⁹ A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. ⁴⁰ In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

Beach

During very cold winter season, do you ever wish to spend your vacation along the beach? Many retirees want to spend time along the beach. Have you even been to the beach? Have you played along the seashore as a child? What do you normally do to enjoy your time along the seashore? Collect corals, shells, swim, build sand castle, play volleyball, Frisbee, what else?

There was tragic story about a family who spent their vacation along the seashore. Two children were digging approximately 5 feet deep hole when the sand collapsed on them. Both children were taken to the hospital but the younger child was pronounced dead. The incident remains under investigation.

Let’s reflect on what it teaches in Proverbs 22:6 (ESV), ⁶Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

What did you learn from your parents as a child? Parents are instructed to train their children. The term “train” is properly translated as dedicated discipline; it is not just one time instruction. To train is to repeat the same activity until the expected result is satisfactory. Parents may express love to their children through training. but sadly, children do not readily internalize the purpose of discipline.

How do you interpret Ephesians 6:4, ⁴ Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

          Parents: Be prayerful to discipline children; pray to be filled and inspired by the Holy Spirit. Why? You can be frustrated when children don’t pay attention. The tendency to be angry when ignored is possible. Decision made in anger is not very wise, most of the time, which is why experts advise not to make major decision when you are angry. Angry person is not very appreciated. Right?

Parents are instructed to bring children up in the training and instruction of the Lord, not instruction from anger, not suggestion from social media. Therefore, parents and guardians should rely upon the Lord for words or wisdom. If you are trained in godly instructions, you’ll be prayerful and not worry about life decisions.

1.  Worry

³⁶ If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 

Parents: Bring up and train children to listen carefully to the instructions of the Lord; pray that you may have family devotion and read through the Bible as a family. Children have better memory; they can remember what they learn from the Scripture. As they grow up, they may apply what they learn from the Bible.

Instinctively, it is very natural for a man to be attracted to a woman. If you sense strong passion for you to get married, it is advisable for you to get married. Is there any biblical instruction of a proper or right age for anyone to be married?

How do you interpret what it says in Song of Songs 8:4? ⁴Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

Curiosity about married life may ignite infatuation. When it becomes an obsession, infatuation could develop into strong passion. What’s strong passion?  Do you interpret strong passion as love? Accordingly, there are 4 different words that Ancient Greek used to describe love: agape, phileo, eros, and storge.

Agape love is self-sacrificial love. God Almighty exemplified agape love or godly love when he sent his son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for our sins.

Phileo love is brotherly love; eros love expresses sexual love; and storge love is familial love. Storge love is natural or instinctive affection of parents for their children and instinctive love of children for their parents.

One particular question that may interest anyone is that: What kind of love should be considered when someone wants to be married? Most often, when the topic is about love, it easily points to 1 Corinthians 4:4-8: ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸ Love never fails.

This love is agape love or godly love. If agape love is the basis for anyone to choose someone to marry, then, they need to be filled with the Holy Spirit. It is very ideal to have agape love, but in reality, it takes spiritual maturity to attain it.

It is favorable for married people to have agape love; God himself will help married people be loyal to each other as displayed in agape love for each other. When a couple desires to be married and not yet practically exhibits agape love for each other, it is natural that they are motivated by eros love or sexual love.

In Manitoba, Canada, the minimum age requirement for anyone to marry is 18 years old without parental or judicial consent. If you are already 18 years old or older and you want to be married, does it matter to inform your parents?

Do you need to let your parents know about your plans, wedding plans?

If you’re interested about biblical advice for anyone with legal age to marry, listen attentively: If you consider yourself as Christian and you are 18 years old or more and you wish to be married, it is biblically advisable for you to inform your parents about your wedding plans, and even before you implement your plans. Why? Do Canadian parents have legal rights to dictate children with legal age when, where, how or who they should marry? If no, then what’s the point?

When you inform your parents about your plans to be married, it practically proves that you have respect for them and their opinion about your decision.

Prayerfully, seriously reflect on what it says in Ephesians 6:2-3, ²“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— ³ “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Listen: This godly command for children to honor and respect their parents can only be observed when the Holy Spirit of God is at work in the life of children.

Is it proper for parents to demand respect from their children? There’s no biblical command for parents to demand respect from children. So, when parents demand respect from their children, maybe, instinctive pride had instigated them.

Children: Your parents may demand respect from you; they may not. It is favorable to you if you respect them. How? The Lord blesses your obedience. It is not easy to show respect, when you think that your parents aren’t respectable. Don’t be arrogant also! Be prayerful and seek to be filled with the Holy Spirit, and you will have peace, humility and self-control, even over instinctive will or desire.

2.  Will

³⁷ But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. ³⁸ So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.

Marriage should be not be forced or under compulsion. If you are reluctant to be married to someone else, let the other person know about it. Why? Such reluctance for whatever reason could be the source of future conflict between husband and wife. Make sure you have firmly made up your mind when you plan to be married. To marry or not, that is also your practice of faith in the Lord.

Whenever you attend a wedding, what do you normally pay attention to? Are you amused by the grandeur of preparation, wedding gown or decoration? Have you ever seriously paid attention to the wedding message? Some wedding attendees are confused and feel bored when the message seems too long.

Listen carefully: Marriage is divine, distinctive; it’s designed and instituted by the Almighty God. Together, let us reflect what it narrated in Genesis 2:18-24,

¹⁸ The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” ¹⁹ Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. ²⁰ So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 

²¹ So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. ²² Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

²³ The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” ²⁴ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Legally, the government issued requirements for married people to be officially registered. The first married couple (Adam and Even) did not submit any document as required in modern times; obviously there was no government yet. In the eyes of God, the marriage of Adam and Eve officially commenced when they had sexual intercourse. God approved their marriage as husband and wife.

So, when you attend a wedding, be attentive to the wedding message and reflect on your own marriage, if you are married; and if you are planning to marry or still undecided, you may contemplate on your personal decision. Decision to be married or not should be under no compulsion, no reluctance, not forced.

Together, let us seriously reflect on what is declares in Revelation 19:6-9,

⁶ Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting: “Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns. ⁷ Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. ⁸ Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear.” (Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God’s holy people.) ⁹ Then the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!” And he added, “These are the true words of God.”

The church is the Bride of the Lamb of God. The church is congregation of believers in Christ. Are you Christian? Are you strongly confident that you will be invited to the Wedding of the Lamb of God? Make sure that you’ve faith in Christ. Make sure that you will attend the wedding of the Lamb of God. Don’t just wish.

3.  Wish

³⁹ A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. ⁴⁰ In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

Are you curious why the Scripture used wedding to practically illustrate when believers in Christ are welcomed into his heaven? God had prepared a grandeur celebration to gloriously welcome everyone who believed in his Son Jesus Christ. Wedding should be considered as the most illustrious and glorious occasion in the life of a person. Why? Marriage is a lifelong commitment.

As long as the husband lives, the wife is bound to her husband. Likewise, as long as the husband, Jesus Christ lives, his bride, the church lives with him in heaven for all eternity which will commence at the wedding of the Lamb of God.

So, why then that Apostle Paul says that it is better choice for a man not to be married? Why did he say that a woman is happier if she stays unmarried?

If we view Apostle Paul as unmarried person, we should consider his own personal experience as unmarried; it’s his practical proof of what he advised. For anyone to be married or stay unmarried is a personal choice. No one should be forced to marry or not yet. To be married or stay unmarried should be a personal commitment. Both choices are acceptable and right in the eyes of God. But for unmarried person like Apostle Paul, the better choice is to stay unmarried.

Someone had curiously asked: What is the biblical basis of monogamous marriage—having one wife or husband? Why did God allow godly people in the Old Testament to have many wives? The original plan of God of marriage is for a husband to have one wife (like Adam and Eve). But after sin entered the world, people were confused, and they just did whatever they wished to do.

The story of great King David should be enviable. He was very obedient to the Lord, but, he had multiple wives, and problem among his children was fatal.

Anyway, let us reflect on what it admonished us in 1 Timothy 3:1-2, 12-13,

¹ Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task. ² Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife… ¹² A deacon must be faithful to his wife and must manage his children and his household well. ¹³ Those who have served well gain an excellent standing and great assurance in their faith in Christ Jesus.

When it says “Here is a trustworthy saying,” it suggests that this biblical advisory is wisely designed for great ministry services to the Lord especially, for better, if not for excellent personal spiritual standing. “To be faithful to his wife” implies having one wife only. So who can be faithful to many wives anyway?

Now, if church elders and deacons are required to be faithful to their own wife does it follow as requirement for church elders and deacons to be married?

There is no literal instruction in the Scripture that forbids unmarried person to serve as elder or deacon. The requirement for elders and deacons to be faithful to their own wife prevents and precludes future arguments. If a man has many wives before conversion into Christianity, he may still serve in other church ministries but he should not be allowed to serve as church elder or deacon.

Managing children and household is a possible reason that those who are nominated to leadership could be hesitant to accept their nomination, why? It is possible they don’t want to hear critics about how they handle family affairs.

May the Lord clearly speak to those who are nominated to decide firmly if they should accept the challenge of church leadership or not yet. Pray that the Lord will clearly tell which ministry you may participate in. Pray for wisdom and have firm decision: to marry or stay unmarried. Marriage is lifetime commitment.

Pray for better choice as practical proof of your relationship with Christ

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